Journal With Me 9/9/20

 

Journal - Santa Gave it to Me :)

Strawberry Paper Sheet: JOANN Fabrics 

Fiskars Paper-cutter: JOANN Fabrics

Strawberry Glue Stick: Shein

Shiny Green Washi Tape: Dollar Store

Tape Dispenser/Cutter: Shein

Days of the Week Sticker: Sticker Book From Walmart

White Paper Outlined in Red: Scrap Paper Outlined with Red Marker

Dog Picture: A Picture from One of My Dad's Hunting Magazines

To Do List: Shein

Cardboard Cutout: From a cardboard box I hat at home

Flower Petals: They are pieces that keep falling out of Flowers I have at    home from JOANN Fabrics

Foam Tape: Dollar Store

Gold Dot: Sticker Book From Walmart

Green Plant Sticker: Shein

Brown Plant Sticker: Shein

Background Sticker: Shein

Cherry Blossom Sticker: Shein

Red Glue Tape Dispenser: JOANN Fabrics

Grid Paper w/ Green Ribbon: Dollar Store

Dog Sticker(Represents Max) : Shein

Field Picture: A cut out from an old Calendar

Lined Paper w/Red Border: Dollar Store

Lady in Green: Shein 

Pink Flower Sticker: Shein

Cactus Picture: Clipping from one of my Dad's Hunting Magazines

Cat Sticker(Represents Yoshi): Shein

Where to find me:

Instragram: http://instagram.com/zerilaslifejournal

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/zerila/_saved/

Tiktok: @zerilaslofejournal

Blog: zerilaslife.blogspot.com

My eBay Store:

https://www.ebay.com/str/zerilaslifeboutique

Journal With Me 9/8/20

 

Journal - Santa Gave it to Me :) "Beautiful Girl You Can do Amazing Things": JOANN Fabrics, Park Lane Paperie: Planner Girl Fiskars Paper-cutter: JOANN Fabrics Red Glue Tape Dispenser: JOANN Fabrics Blue Pool Themed Washi Tape: JOANN Fabrics Daily Info Stickers: Book of Stickers from Walmart White Paper With Blue Flower: Cut off Piece From The Background piece Thin Pink Washi Tape: Shein Grid Paper: Packaging from an Item I got on Shein White Paper on Top of Grid Paper: The Back of a Parking Pass Sunflower Sticker: Shein Cat Sticker(Represents Yoshi): Shein Flower Pot Lined Paper: Shein Pink Flower Sticker: Shein Gold Striped Washi Tape: JOANN Fabrics Airplane Sticker: Shein Pink Highlighter: A really HOT guy from work gave it to me... if he reads this... when are we going to have lunch together? **He won't** Dog Sticker(Represents Max) : Shein Where to find me: Instragram: http://instagram.com/zerilaslifejournal Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/zerila/_saved/ Tiktok: @zerilaslofejournal Blog: zerilaslife.blogspot.com My eBay Store: https://www.ebay.com/str/zerilaslifeboutique

Journal With Me 9/6/20

 

Journal - Santa Gave it to Me :) Blue w/ Gold Hearts JOANN Fabrics, Park Lane Paperie: Planner Girl Fiskars Paper-cutter: JOANN Fabrics Lavender Scent: I'm not sure, it's been in my house for so long Gold Washi Tape: JOANN Fabrics Picture of Woman & Man Dancing: Piece from an Advertisement book I’m cutting up. Daily Info Stickers: Book of Stickers from Walmart Strawberry Glue Stick: Shein Blue Polka Dot Washi Tape: JOANN Fabrics White Pink Lined Paper: JOANN Fabrics, Park Lane Paperie: Planner Girl Gold Lined White Paper: JOANN Fabrics Blue Ribbon Sticker: Dollar Tree Cat Sticker(Represents Yoshi): Shein Dog Sticker(Represents Max) : Shein Teapot Sticker: Shein Blue Striped Washi Tape: JOANN Fabrics Stripped Ribbon Sticker: Walmart Sticker Book Let me know if you have any questions :) Where to find me: Instragram: http://instagram.com/zerilaslife Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/zerila Tiktok: @zerilaslife My eBay Store: https://www.ebay.com/str/zerilaslifeboutique

Journal With Me 9/5/20

 

Journal - Santa Gave it to Me :)

Blue w/ Floral Background: JOANN Fabrics, Park Lane Paperie: Planner Girl Set Daily Info Stickers: Book of Stickers from Walmart Gold Washi Tape: JOANN Fabrics Arrow Collars & Shirts Picture: Piece from an Advertisement book I’m cutting up. Strawberry Glue Stick: Shein Striped Pink Washi Tape: JOANN Fabrics Washi Tape Dispenser/Holder: Shein Dog Sticker(Represents Max) : Shein Blank Piece of Paper: Scrap from an old Card I never used Picture of Lady Legs in Stockings: From old Advertisement Book Piece of Paper With Writing on it: Shein Fox: A clipping from my Dad's Hunting Magazines Smaller Blank Piece of Paper: Scrap from an old Card I never used Black & White Flower Sticker: Shein Clover Sticker: Shein Black Pen: Walmart Cat Sticker(Represents Yoshi): Shein Gold Line Sticker: Book of Stickers from Walmart Gold Washi Tape w/ Polk Dots: JOANN Fabrics Gold Washi Tape: JOANN FABRICS Ivory Soap Adds: From old Advertisement Book Picture of dog in front of fire: a clipping from my Dad's Hunting Magazines Let me know if you have any questions :) Where to find me: Instragram: http://instagram.com/zerilaslife Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/zerila/_saved/ Tiktok: @zerilaslife My eBay Store: https://www.ebay.com/str/zerilaslifeboutique

Daily Scrapbook Journal 9/4/20

Journal - Santa Gave it to Me :)

Crafters Tape: Walmart

Fiskars Paper-cutter: Joanne Fabrics

Black Pen: Walmart

Floral W/Black & White Striped Paper:  Joanna Fabrics, Park Lane Paperie: Planner Girl Set

Pink Striped Washi Tape: Joann Fabrics

Gold Washi Tape: Joanne Gabrics

Thin Black Glitter Washi Tape: Dollar Store

Love Love Love Line Sticker: Book of Stickers from Walmart

Lady & Man Dancing Picture - Piece from an Advertisement book I’m cutting up.

Cat Stickers(Represents Yoshi in my Life): Shein

Dog Sticker(Represents Max: Shrin

Daily Information Stickers, : Walmart Sticker Books.

Cherry Tree Sticker: Shein

Cream Paper : Scrap

Pink Paper: Joanne Fabrics

Gold Stamp on Pink Paper: Packaging from an item ordered on Shein

Pink Stickers: Shein

Daily Scrapbook Journal 9/3/20

Journal - Santa Gave it to Me :)

Crafters Tape: Walmart

White & Gold Name Cards: Clearance @ Joanne Fabrics

Fiskars Paper-cutter: Joanne Fabrics

Black Pen: Walmart

Pink Polka Dot Background & World Bubble:  Joanna Fabrics, Park Lane Paperie: Planner Girl Set

Gold Women Washi Tape: Shein

Cat Stickers(Represents Yoshi in my Life): Shein

Dog Sticker(Represents Max: Shrin

Daily Information Stickers, : Walmart Sticker Books.

Lace - Bundle from Thrift Store

Lady Walking Her Dog- Pieces from an Advertisement book I’m cutting up.

Pink Washi Tape "Censoring " Lady Walking Her Dog Picture: Joann Fabrics

Cardboard Background: From a random box

Black Drawn Flower Sticker: Shein

Lined Paper , W/Flower Pot: Shein

Flower Stickers: Shein

Brown Paper W/Gold Letter: Packaging of an item From Shein

"Life itself is a wonder..." Sticker: Shein

Daily Scrapbook Journal 9/2/20

Items Used:

Journal - Santa Gave it to Me :)

Crafters Tape: Walmart

White & Gold Name Cards: Clearance @ Joanne Fabrics

Fiskars Paper-cutter: Joanne Fabrics

Black Pen: Walmart

White, Gold & Black Bowl Background:  Joanna Fabrics, Park Lane Paperie: Planner Girl Set

Gold Washi Tape: Joanne Fabrics

Cat Stickers: Shein

Daily Information Stickers, Gold Dot Sticker, Love Pink Line & Rose Ribbon Sticker: Walmart Sticker Books.

Lace - Bundle from Thrift Store

Lady Looking in Mirror & Man in Tux- Pieces from an Advertisement book I’m cutting up.

Flower: A Piece That fell off some fake flowers I bought from Joann Fabrics

Paper next to Tux Man: Random Scrap Paper

 

My 100 Day Challenge

Another item on my list is to fit into my mother's wedding dress, a size 10. I have a lot of weight to lose, so this will be a couple years long journey. I am willing to accept that. What I must accept is that it needs to start now. So, I have to decided to start with a 100 day challenge of going to the gym everyday.

The rules are simple, go to the gym everyday. If I can not go the gym (weather or life) I must either do a work of video, or at home gym equipment. For instances, today I couldn't make it home in time, because I spent all day with my Mom. They own free weights, and a bike; so I worked out with their at home equipment.

Each day I will post a video on my Instagram account. I need this because, I need some sort of accountability. I'm still unemployed, and I'm really close to the edge of just letting everything go. We will go on this journey together!

Photo by Анна Рыжкова from Pexels

Queen

Queen

Photo by Scarlet Ellis on Unsplash

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
I don't want to do it

But, I know I have to get thru it
There be nothing but pain
and everything to gain

I breath in deep
drop to my knees
and let lose the reins

1...2...

God, please me, I don't know what to do

3...4...

The tears begin to pour

5...6...

I  scream  "FUCK this shit!"

7...8...

My world begins to disintegrate

9

Breath

10

Breath

Done!

I stand up, roll up my sleeves, and straighten my crown

'cause that's how a Queens got to be.

---------------------------

A friend from my old job liked to rap, and wanted me to try free style. I'm as white as can be, and could not find a rhythm, so I wrote this poem.

I was inspired by many ideas. In the show Lost, Jack Shepard would allow himself 10 seconds of freak out, then he would move on. I also read a lot of Phillipa Gregory books. In those books being Queen never meant your life was easy of safe. I could never understand how they survived everything that happened to them, but they did, for a time. They just had to straighten their crowns and move on.

So with everything that happened with my Mom, and having to just stand their and watch, not being able to do anything, was  hard. The release of stress and pain came at the most awkward times. One moment I would be fine and the next in tears. So, I started to give my self to the count of 10. Let everything out, but the second I hit 10, I would have to move on.

That is what this poem is about. I can't allow any of my pain to rule me. I am Queen here.

Layed Off Again

2020 has started off amazing. I have officially been laid off from my job, again. This time, corporate decide to merge our tiny little office into theirs. I was offered a job at corporate; but it was for less money, and an hour and a half away. So, here I am, again, with no job.

I must admit, this job was more polite about it. We found out back in August '19 that this job was ending. I had, had plenty of time to find a new job. Unfortunately, my Mom had been diagnosed with a form of blood cancer. The only cure was a stem cell transplant, and that was about to happen in September. In a stem cell transplant, they basically chemo you enough to destroy your immune system. From there, the donated stem cells, from my youngest brother, are injected into my mother to create a new immune system within her body, and hopefully kill the cancer. This is a month stay long hospital process. Even, now, in January she still needs to go to the hospital for check ups at least twice a week.

The process I new was going to be hard, and I needed a place to stay where I could "zombie" my way around, and that's what I did. We almost lost my Mom in October. When you have no immune system, the tiniest bacteria can kill you, and it almost killed my Mom. Had her new stems cells not bonded with her body, this would be a very different conversation. She survived, and is continually growing strong. I am continually healing from seeing my Mom almost die.

So, I stayed til the end. Now, I have no job and little else to do besides apply for jobs. I started a routine. Working out is definitely one of them. I'm not moving around as much and my body is complaining. I'm selling all my unwanted furniture on Facebook. You would think my house would be cleaner, but it's not. Probably should work on that. I've also been focusing on my eBay. Who knows, maybe I can tell the future man to suck it because of all the eBay sells I have. I have also been making tiktoks and my IG posts have become quite numerous. So, yeah, keeping myself super busy!

Wish me Luck!

Being Furloughed then Terminated Sucks

On March 19th I was pulled in the bosses office with the news that I was being furloughed for two weeks because there was no work for me to do. The whole sales staff was placed on furlough because we had lost our investors, and there was no money to be had to buy supplies to sell to our customers. The hope was that they would get new investors soon, but until then they could not pay me. I was allowed to burn all the vacation I had left, which was a week and some change, and waited. Two weeks later, two more weeks. Two weeks later, another month. Blah Blah Blah. Fast-forward to May 31st I was officially terminated, and the company was selling off in pieces. After 11+ years of work, no severance package. Life definitely took a turn in a very weird direction.

Here are the results of my "fun" unemployment:

 I had just started a fun relationship about a month before I was furloughed. Both of our worlds exploded on the same week. I was looking for work and he was fixing his life. The whole thing took it's toll on the relationship and what started to be an amazing relationship slowly died to random texts a day, to nothing. Bad timing; or excellent timing. I will never know.

I have gained about 10lbs. You would be surprised how much you move during the average work day. I have become stale in my movement considering my office has gone from a huge warehouse to my tiny 924 sqft condo. Also, having all of my food less then 5ft from my new office desk, does not help. 

The cats are my new co-workers and they are tired of me being home. Before they could get away with climbing all over the kitchen and the table, bullying each other, and dragging my stuff all over the condo. Now all they here is me yelling at them to, "Get off!", "Drop that!", " Do not harass your brother while he is trying to use the liter box!". The plus side, my new co-workers are super cute and cuddly.

Tons more time to play video games and I have become an addict. It was so bad, my Mom suggested that if I am going to be up til 2am in the morning, maybe you could babysit your friends baby(he was just born on March 5th) while they slept. So, I took my Xbox 360 to their house and played video games while the baby slept. It got to the point where I figured out how to hold the baby and the controller at the same time. Eventually the Dad and roommate would stay up with me and we now have Halo nights. 

Minecraft has become an obsession. Seriously, how have I never played this game before? So much to explore, so much to mine, and so much to decorate!!! Currently removing the desert in front of my house. It's not going well with my vision.

I had created a list of things to do around the house back in March, and have plans to eventually do them. Being organized was one of them... All the items in my inventory on Minecraft are organized. Does that count?

I Just Shouldn't

I recently, finally, acted on a decision I made back in April, one extremely drunken Wenesday night. I walked away from a friend because of feelings I knew would never be recipicated. It took so long for me to do it because, I thought I could just get over it. I dont do this "feeling" thing and normally
I can ignore it tell it goes away. Unfortunately, that line between love and hate was being crossed because of my confusion and unhappiness. I finally decide to end it and walk away, before I became bitter and started acting like a teenager.

All my friends were very proud and stated what I did wasvery healthy. All I could think about about was how much it sucked and that it hurt  beyond any pain from a stubbed toe. I had decided to keep myself incredibly busy. I made plans, and said yes to any that were made, by anyone. The problem is there were still moments when I had nothing to do, and got  dejected about the whole situation. 

I finally spoke to my Dad, while all emotional, that I couldn't shake this depressing feeling. What frustrates me even more, is my friend has most likely shrugged this off already. My father and I had a long talk and what it came down to is....

" I just shouldn't "

 No matters what I feel, it isn't going to change what has happened. My being emotional, is not going to effect anyone, but me.  Any negative emotion I hold onto, is only going to harm myself in the long run and I just shouldn't.

Easier said then done.

My father is a recovered acholic, and in AA meetings they would make him recite the 'Serenity Prayer'.

Whenever he felt there was something that he couldn't control, or things were getting too much, he would recite this prayer. He then told me when I find myself getting too emotional over this, just say,"I shouldn't" and recite this prayer.

 

So,here we go. I'm done with all this blahness. No matter, how I feel, the only person who has the power to change that is, myself.

 

Grrrr!

 

 

 

Warrior Princess Mode: On

 

 

<3 Zerila

So... This is my life now

Wow... it's been awhile. I am now 31 years old...

God, I'm old.

 For the past year, I've been living in a small house with three roommates on the water. Yes, the water!

 

Prepare to be jealous of  my view!

 

Ready?

 

Bam!

 

 

 

It's ok, I'd be jealous too.

 

Unfortunately, do to circumstances beyond my control, I'm back at my parents house for a bit.

Right now, I'm not in a good place. I'm not happy, but I have a plan!

 

Plans are cool!

 

I'm going to keep myself SO incredibly busy that I barely even have time to think about what has happened.

 

What plans do you ask?

 

First, I'm in training with my best friend for the Ridiculous Obstacle Course(ROC) race.

 

What is the ROC race you ask?

 

This is the ROC race!

 

 



 

Doesn't that look awesome!!!!

 

Check out their website!

 

http://rocrace.com/

 

Granted, there is still no scheduled date for the Maryland area. I have hope that by the time they do, I will be ready!

 

We have already begun our training. I am up to walking 4 miles, 35 minutes on the elliptical and 2nd floor on the stair climber( what I like to personally call the "Stairway to Hell"). No, I do not do them in that order, that is where I'm with each one respectively.

 

Since, I assume, with training I will be losing weight, I've decided to keep a photo diary of my weight lose progress. This is mwah at 300 something lbs. (shh! My weight is SUPER secret! Don't tell anyone!)

 

 

These were taken in Alexandria, Virigina on an awesome weekend with my two best friends.

 

 

I hate getting my pictures taken. I do not like looking at the pictures because ... to be honest I do not like seeing how far I've let myself go. Getting my pictures taken on the other hand is a whole different story.

 

Anyway, every 10 pounds I'll add a photo.

 

It's late and I'm off to bed; in the basement where my parents put their ill-begotten child who moves back in with them at the age of 31.

 

<3 Zerila

 

 

I'm Back...Again

After an incredibly stressful and emotional week, I'm back. I do apologize for dropping the blog again for a week, but I was basically doing work and then helping out my friend. I was her shadow at anytime I possible could. That is basically all I could do for her, is be there. That is all one can do really.

The whole time I was at the funeral, looking at her Dad, I was thinking, "Thank God that it's not Allan. Thank God its not my Dad." Then I began thinking what am I going to do when it is? How can I survive the death of my Dad or a brother? How is my friend finding the strength to do what she is doing? I would be a wreck.

I watched my best friend age in a matter of week. She went from a "carefree" young woman(I use this loosely because her life was no rose garden) into a woman with responsibility and what  I can describe as experience of life.

I remember growing up as a child always eager to become an adult. If I had understood what was to come I would have enjoyed childhood a lot longer.

Anyway....

I would have been back yesterday but my body said it had enough and I crashed for the day.

I hope that the next time I tell you I won't be seeing you for a week is when I go on my cruise this January.

Either way, give your family a big hug today. No one gets out alive and you will never regret showing your family how much you love them.

<3 Zerila