I Just Shouldn't

I recently, finally, acted on a decision I made back in April, one extremely drunken Wenesday night. I walked away from a friend because of feelings I knew would never be recipicated. It took so long for me to do it because, I thought I could just get over it. I dont do this "feeling" thing and normally
I can ignore it tell it goes away. Unfortunately, that line between love and hate was being crossed because of my confusion and unhappiness. I finally decide to end it and walk away, before I became bitter and started acting like a teenager.

All my friends were very proud and stated what I did wasvery healthy. All I could think about about was how much it sucked and that it hurt  beyond any pain from a stubbed toe. I had decided to keep myself incredibly busy. I made plans, and said yes to any that were made, by anyone. The problem is there were still moments when I had nothing to do, and got  dejected about the whole situation. 

I finally spoke to my Dad, while all emotional, that I couldn't shake this depressing feeling. What frustrates me even more, is my friend has most likely shrugged this off already. My father and I had a long talk and what it came down to is....

" I just shouldn't "

 No matters what I feel, it isn't going to change what has happened. My being emotional, is not going to effect anyone, but me.  Any negative emotion I hold onto, is only going to harm myself in the long run and I just shouldn't.

Easier said then done.

My father is a recovered acholic, and in AA meetings they would make him recite the 'Serenity Prayer'.

Whenever he felt there was something that he couldn't control, or things were getting too much, he would recite this prayer. He then told me when I find myself getting too emotional over this, just say,"I shouldn't" and recite this prayer.

 

So,here we go. I'm done with all this blahness. No matter, how I feel, the only person who has the power to change that is, myself.

 

Grrrr!

 

 

 

Warrior Princess Mode: On

 

 

<3 Zerila

Life Is Getting Crazy

I have been crazy busy the last three days. I've helped a friend move out and I've been scheduling my dog, Jasmine, surgery. I have scheduled the surgery for tomorrow and until then I'm kinda sorta...freaking out a lot.
This will be a short and sweet blog and then I am off to bed. 

Here is Tuesday's picture

 

Wednesday so much happened I completely forgot to. Today I will bless you with two pictures, with a guest spot from my puppy Max. We were cuddling and watching Star Trek together.

 

Sweet Dreams.

<3Zerila

 

So This Is Me

With this month challenge being to see myself as beautiful, I've decided that I need to get over seeing myself in pictures.

 So, each day I will have a someone take a picture of me. I will post it here on my blog and on my personal Facebook. I'm going to get over my issues... Eventually.

Here goes nothing.

My first picture, taken by my best friend after a birthday dinner. My hair is reacting to the crazy weather outside day today. 

I am Fat and I am Beautiful

A friend of mine about a year ago inspired me to challenge myself to different challenges each month. They have been as simple as putting a thousand piece puzzle together (which I never did finish, I hate puzzles), not to lie for a month ( I now know how to not lie, but not exactly tell the truth), and another was writing a short romance story. Basically, whatever inspires me, I challenge myself.

 This month's challenge: 

To see myself as beautiful.

I was inspired by an article I found in Pinterest.

Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls.....So I Will

The article then linked to this article about fat girls and sex:

Fat Sex: What Everyone Wants To Know But Is Afraid To Ask

The idea that as a fat woman, I could be sexually attractive to the opposite sex, blew my mind. I've been told, by people I love, that the only reasoning I'm single is because I'm fat.  I have believed them for a very long time. 

Well... now I'm done. 

I'm beautiful.

How am I doing so far? 

Well... it's been incredibly challenging to say the least. I picked out an awesome outfit, did the my primping and stepped out feeling very excited this morning. At work and at the grocery store I walked with a swing in my step. I beamed at the extremely hot guy in the frozen food isle. Then, I meet up with this guy and all my bravado leaked out of my system. We all have that one guy that turns your brain to mush, and this is that one. 

This is going to take a lot of strength.

I'm beautiful.

I'm definitely taking steps in the right direction, but this is going to be a hard challenge. 

What do you guys do to bring out, dare I say it,your inner goddess?

<3. Zerila

So... This is my life now

Wow... it's been awhile. I am now 31 years old...

God, I'm old.

 For the past year, I've been living in a small house with three roommates on the water. Yes, the water!

 

Prepare to be jealous of  my view!

 

Ready?

 

Bam!

 

 

 

It's ok, I'd be jealous too.

 

Unfortunately, do to circumstances beyond my control, I'm back at my parents house for a bit.

Right now, I'm not in a good place. I'm not happy, but I have a plan!

 

Plans are cool!

 

I'm going to keep myself SO incredibly busy that I barely even have time to think about what has happened.

 

What plans do you ask?

 

First, I'm in training with my best friend for the Ridiculous Obstacle Course(ROC) race.

 

What is the ROC race you ask?

 

This is the ROC race!

 

 



 

Doesn't that look awesome!!!!

 

Check out their website!

 

http://rocrace.com/

 

Granted, there is still no scheduled date for the Maryland area. I have hope that by the time they do, I will be ready!

 

We have already begun our training. I am up to walking 4 miles, 35 minutes on the elliptical and 2nd floor on the stair climber( what I like to personally call the "Stairway to Hell"). No, I do not do them in that order, that is where I'm with each one respectively.

 

Since, I assume, with training I will be losing weight, I've decided to keep a photo diary of my weight lose progress. This is mwah at 300 something lbs. (shh! My weight is SUPER secret! Don't tell anyone!)

 

 

These were taken in Alexandria, Virigina on an awesome weekend with my two best friends.

 

 

I hate getting my pictures taken. I do not like looking at the pictures because ... to be honest I do not like seeing how far I've let myself go. Getting my pictures taken on the other hand is a whole different story.

 

Anyway, every 10 pounds I'll add a photo.

 

It's late and I'm off to bed; in the basement where my parents put their ill-begotten child who moves back in with them at the age of 31.

 

<3 Zerila