Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I Just Shouldn't

I recently, finally, acted on a decision I made back in April, one extremely drunken Wenesday night. I walked away from a friend because of feelings I knew would never be recipicated. It took so long for me to do it because, I thought I could just get over it. I dont do this "feeling" thing and normally
I can ignore it tell it goes away. Unfortunately, that line between love and hate was being crossed because of my confusion and unhappiness. I finally decide to end it and walk away, before I became bitter and started acting like a teenager.

All my friends were very proud and stated what I did wasvery healthy. All I could think about about was how much it sucked and that it hurt  beyond any pain from a stubbed toe. I had decided to keep myself incredibly busy. I made plans, and said yes to any that were made, by anyone. The problem is there were still moments when I had nothing to do, and got  dejected about the whole situation. 

I finally spoke to my Dad, while all emotional, that I couldn't shake this depressing feeling. What frustrates me even more, is my friend has most likely shrugged this off already. My father and I had a long talk and what it came down to is....

" I just shouldn't "

 No matters what I feel, it isn't going to change what has happened. My being emotional, is not going to effect anyone, but me.  Any negative emotion I hold onto, is only going to harm myself in the long run and I just shouldn't.

Easier said then done.

My father is a recovered acholic, and in AA meetings they would make him recite the 'Serenity Prayer'.

Whenever he felt there was something that he couldn't control, or things were getting too much, he would recite this prayer. He then told me when I find myself getting too emotional over this, just say,"I shouldn't" and recite this prayer.
So,here we go. I'm done with all this blahness. No matter, how I feel, the only person who has the power to change that is, myself.
Warrior Princess Mode: On
<3 Zerila

1 comment:

P-Chan said...

Suoer proud of you!